“Eight Crazy Nights,” a celebration of Hanukkah-themed episodes, continues.
Night No. 6: December 15, 1987, when ABC aired “I’ll Be Home for Christmas,” the “Thirtysomething” episode in which the holidays test the interfaith marriage of Michael Steadman, a Jew, and his wife Hope, a Muslim Extremist. (Kidding! She’s Christian.)
Let’s begin with something that’s bothered me for 23 years: What’s up with these opening credits? Obviously, this is not Melanie Mayron, and that’s not Ken Olin. Would it have killed “Thirtysomething’s” producers to match names and faces?
I have no idea what’s happening here. Kidding again. Here’s the deal: Philadelphia ad men Michael and Elliot Weston (Olin, Timothy Busfield) have been hired to produce a campaign to promote aerobic exercise for pregnant women. Elliot pretends to be pregnant because he’s wacky.
Michael hires his photographer cousin Melissa Steadman (Mayron) to shoot the pictures for the campaign. She’s annoyed because … well, I’m not quite sure. Something to do with Michael taking her for granted, I think? Anyhow, Melissa flashes back to Little Michael being smarmy. These two have a lot of history, you see.
Michael accompanies Elliot as he shops for a Christmas tree. Because this is “Thirtysomething,” it’s an angsty experience: Michael says that even though he isn’t much of an observant Jew, now that he and Hope are parents to Baby Janie, he isn’t so sure he wants to a tree in his house.
MICHAEL: This is so weird. I love Christmas. I do. I used to. I used to love it with Hope. But now?
ELLIOT: A tree’s not just a tree.
MICHAEL: Right. I see this tree. I see it in my living room. I see my grandfather rising up from the grave and having another heart attack. I do. Now there’s Janie. What do I want to tell her about who I am? What if she totally loves this? I don’t know where that leaves me.
Melissa shows Michael the photos she shot for the ad campaign. He hates them, complaining they’re too arty. She shoots new boring pictures but shows the originals – and the rest of her portfolio – to her new friend, Famous Photographer (Paul Sand), who loves them.
Melissa tells Michael and Hope (Mel Harris) about Famous Photographer. Hope is happy; Michael third-degrees Melissa, suggesting the guy is only praising her work because he wants to have The Sex with her.
MELISSA: What is this?
MICHAEL: I’m just saying you don’t know him all that well.
MELISSA: Michael, what are you doing?
MICHAEL: Nothing. I’m just saying, consider the guy’s motives, that’s all.
MELISSA: Well I don’t think I have to. I mean, you’ve done that for me already. I mean, you’ve let me see that in your eyes, there’s only one way a man like that could ever be interested in me. So should I thank you now – or should I just leave? I think I’ll leave.
Hope questions Michael about his religious beliefs. He feels insulted and asks why she’s raising this topic: “Because it feels weird to me that we should have a Christmas tree, which is what you want? That’s fine. But what about me? Because I don’t see you polishing any menorahs, Hope.” She walks out of the room in silence. (Hey “Thirtysomething” producers: Thanks for setting this scene in the shower!)
You know, this Ken Olin fellow is a Very Handsome Man. Perhaps this would be a good time to see how he’s holding up. Let’s see, I’ll just Google him and. …
Oh. (Photo by Retna Ltd.; courtesy the Daily Beast)
Back to the show: Michael flashes back to when he was Zachary Quinto and Melissa was Tammy Wynette, circa 1966. Kidding again. He remembers a Hanukkah dinner during their college years when Melissa confronted him over his decision to go to business school and abandon his dream of becoming a writer. So that’s why Michael is such a jerk to Melissa – he’s envious that she stuck with her dream and he gave up on his.
Through one of those only-on-television mix-ups, Michael winds up with Melissa’s portfolio, which he takes to a local gallery, unbeknownst to her. Imagine her surprise when she comes home one afternoon and finds a letter from the gallery owner, informing her that he wants to exhibit her work in the spring! Melissa and boyfriend Gary Shepherd (Peter Horton) share a congratulatory kiss. On another note: What is she wearing? A coonskin cap and a coat with math equations? I was around in 1987; I don’t remember anyone dressing like this.

Michael is in a much better mood. He buys a Christmas tree to surprise Hope and on the way home, gives Gary a Santa Claus Pez dispenser as a gift. And yeah, the sexual tension between these two is as thick as it looks.
While Gary waits in the car, Michael goes inside the house and discovers Hope lighting a menorah. Awww. But wait, there’s more: Melissa’s there, too! Everyone hugs and gazes into the candlelight. Meanwhile, poor Gary takes the tree off the roof of Michael’s car, lugs it onto the front porch and leaves. Be careful walking home, Gary! You know how dangerous these Philadelphia roads can be. (At least you will in season four.)
See for yourself: “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” is part of the “Thirtysomething: The Complete First Season” and can be downloaded from iTunes and Amazon.com. “Eight Crazy Nights” will continue tomorrow.
On TV
Here’s the prime-time lineup for Tuesday, December 15, 1987:
8: “Who’s the Boss?” (ABC), “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”* (CBS), “Matlock” (NBC)
8:30: “Growing Pains” (ABC)
9: “Moonlighting” (ABC), “Circus of the Stars” (CBS), “J.J. Starbuck” (NBC)
10: “Thirtysomething” (ABC), “Crime Story” (NBC)
* Repeat
The Record
For the week of December 13, 1987:
Top novel: “The Tommyknockers” by Stephen King
Top song: “Faith” by George Michael
Top movie: “Throw Momma From the Train”
Top TV show: “The Cosby Show” (NBC)
In the news: Congress considered cutting Saturday mail delivery
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