“New Years Week” continues.
On December 28, 1976, CBS aired “Happy New Year,” a “One Day at a Time” episode in which the Romano-Coopers and their friends turn an otherwise dull New Year’s Eve into a festive evening for some elderly neighbors.
Hey, it’s the “One Day at a Time” credits, featuring one of the all-time great ’70s sitcom theme songs. You know the line, “You can’t be sure at all”? I used to think it was “Keep your shirt on.” And when I say, “used to think,” I mean, “up until a few minutes ago,” when I looked up the lyrics online.
Julie Cooper (Mackenzie Phillips) is doing yoga when the phone rings. She answers it with her feet, which the live studio audience finds hilarious. The call is from a coworker of Julie’s divorcee mom Ann Romano (Bonnie Franklin). He wants to take Ann out to the Empire Room on New Year’s Eve, but Ann doesn’t like big parties. Younger daughter Barbara Cooper (Valerie Bertinelli) says it sounds like fun. “The party we’re going to is B.Y.O.B.,” Barbara says. “Bring your own bottle?” a concerned Ann asks. “Bring your own boy!” Barbara responds. The audience thinks this is really funny, too.
The doorbell rings. Neighbor Ginny (Mary-Louise Parker) enters, singing, “A pretty girl is like a melody” because that’s how people entered their neighbors’ homes in the ’70s – by singing. (Seriously – look it up.) Ginny steps aside to reveal building superintendent Dwayne F. Schneider (Pat Harrington) dressed up in a blonde wig and dress. The audience can barely contain itself. Schneider explains that Ginny is helping him with his costume for the New Year’s Eve party at his lodge, where he and his friends Moose Johnson and Beerbelly will be doing their annual dance routine. Schneider demonstrates his dance moves and the audience goes wild; I’m beginning to worry about them.
The doorbell rings – again. This time it’s Orville (Dick O’Neill), the dishwasher at the cocktail lounge where Ginny works, and his friend Clifford (Fred Stuthman). Sad-sack Orville returns a sweater Ginny left at the bar, and when nosy Barbara asks how he plans to spend New Year’s Eve, he brings everyone down by saying it’ll be just another night at the depressing old folks’ hotel where he and Clifford reside. “We keep busy – lying to each other about how many times the kids have called and when they’re going to come again.”
Ann puts on her sad face.
After the old dudes leave, Barbara suggests they all visit the old folks’ hotel on New Year’s Eve and put on a show! Everyone thinks it’s a terrific idea because, well, this is how people entertained themselves before “Glee” came along. Schneider is reluctant to go along with Barbara’s idea; he wants to continue his 16-year tradition of spending the holiday at the lodge. “I unbung the beer,” he says. “Couldn’t you leave it bunged – just this once?” Ginny asks suggestively as the audience laughs and laughs and laughs. “You really have a way with men,” Schneider declares as everyone begins planning their big show.
The night of the show: Schneider opens the festivities by doing an old-school emcee shtick (“Good evening, ladies and germs!”). “Isn’t that the girl we met the other day?” grumpy Clifford asks Orville.
Schneider introduces the first performers (“the biggest musical act in show business!”): Elton John (Barbara) and Kiki Dee (Julie), who perform “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.”
Next up: Shirley Temple (Ann) performs “The Good Ship Lollipop.” I feel embarrassed for Bonnie Franklin.
Ginny sings “Mr. Wonderful” as Schneider dances around in a coat and tails.
The performances are over and the dance floor opens. The audience completely loses it when little Mrs. Peabody (Nedra Volz) and tall Clifford bust a move.
Schneider realizes it’s almost midnight and leads the group in a countdown to 1977. Confetti is thrown, noisemakers sound and everyone locks arms and sings “Auld Lang Syne.” The credits roll and Bonnie Franklin reminds us that “One Day at a Time” was recorded on tape before a live studio audience. Uh, gee, thanks Bonnie.
See for yourself: “Happy New Year” isn’t (legally) available online or on video.
On TV
Here’s the prime-time lineup for Tuesday, December 28, 1976:
8: “Happy Days”* (ABC), “Candid Camera” (CBS), “Baa Baa Black Sheep”* (NBC)
8:30: “Laverne & Shirley”* (ABC)
9: “Rich Man, Poor Man” (ABC), “M*A*S*H”* (CBS), “Police Woman”* (NBC)
9:30: “One Day at a Time” (CBS)
10: “Family”* (ABC), “Switch”* (CBS) “Police Story”* (NBC)
* Repeat
The Record
For the week of December 26, 1976:
Top novel: “Trinity” by Leon Uris
Top song: “Tonight’s the Night (Gonna Be All Right)” by Rod Stewart
Top movie: “A Star is Born”
In the news: Maybe we don’t need a stimulus, President-elect Carter said
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